Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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