Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
