Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
