dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
