VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
