did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
