Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
