i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
