theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
