I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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