theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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