my sisters under your porch take her home
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
