my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
