I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
