she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
