I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
