somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
