Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
