$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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