Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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