man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
