We won't sleep together?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
