So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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