he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
