There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
