Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
