we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
