he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
