Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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