when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
