Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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