I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
