I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
