tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
