I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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