So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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