When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
