just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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