oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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