My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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