What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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