I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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