whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
