when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
