it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
