I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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