my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
