I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
