I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
