Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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