Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am mentally ready for anal.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
