we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
