either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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